this just isn't right.

this just isn't right. it doesn't feel right. at all. i don't want it to be this way. it's too difficult for me...


posting again. felt like posting, seriously don't feel like doing any other things. feel terrible again, only that i feel like puking and my stomach is pain, and i have a headache. a bit better than yesterday!

lol mum cooked noodles for me before rushing off. couldnt finish 1/2 of it at all. just basically ate the noodles. the other food didnt' even touch. really no appetite and i tried to eat. ):

i'm feeling so upset. i wonder whyyyyyyy. andand, my headache is driving me up the walls. i was happy thinking about it, but it was just wrong. just felt different, i know it. hehheh, i'm being high and low at high speed. a minute i'm like high till the sky, then another minute, i'm so down till my head touch the ground.

although march holidays are coming, tmr it's a bad day to end term one. there's harp! and i dread it, it's so terrible, with ms wong and my terrible playing, and stress from yixin's playing. booo. somemore tmr have enrichment, and i don't like it at all. cause you got to have pairs. and i don't have my pair. and tmr have 3 periods of chinese, which is so hard to endure, with llf and i'm going to sleep to death. and there is elit tmr, i dont like it at allllll. andand, there is english, which i find boring. maybe i'm the cause of it all. rawr. i wish i could stop being emo and stop dreading everything. but i really think tmr is a lousy ending for term 1. term 1 was simply great, except for some things, which will just pull me down.

i certainly can't wait for a new term in school. a fresh start is always good. with new goals, new schedule, new lessons! but i so do not want new challenges. this term already drove me crazy. hahah i hope term 2 is great and i'll work hard and strive for midyears! mwahahaha improve improve!

but ohoh, tmr's collection of report book. i think that's going to make me break down totally, infront of everyone, when i get it. terrible terrible terrible! i'm going to be so disappointed in myself and won't have the face to look at others.

although i like motivating others and encouraging others, i just can't remain happy myself. frowning needs more muscles than smiling, but somehow, smiling is harder to me. i thought talking to someone would make me feel better. but it's making me feel worse than ever.

calling to god works, but somehow i just don't feel like calling for help to him today. i feel guilty everytime i look at lynn's card. but i just can't bring myself to be good and everything. i feel lousy, i'm like the bad apple out of the whole tree. i can't do anything right. i just can't do things right. everything i do is going bad. nothing is going right. my life is like going to pieces. teardrops on my guitar is such a meaningful and truthful song. but it's such a sad song. hahah should go watch the mv. so saddening! but i think it's ironic. cause taylor is so much prettier than the girl in the mv. hahah :b

i just gave a smiley face! yay, guess i shouldnt' think so much. but oh wellllll. BIG SIGH.

-shue.