felt sad and emo yesterday night! so i typed out on wordpad, since there was no internet. here it goes. really finally wrote out how i felt. ><

HOW NICE OF LIFE TO BE SO GREAT HUH.

i feel useless.
i really do.

i feel lousy too.
very very.

i suck too.
seriously yes.

i had a very bad and lousy day,
because i'm bad and lousy.

this is the poem of shuning.
conclusion: she is LOUSY.

D:


today started out bad already. woke up late. and chionged finish the rest of my shouce. then, i went down. to find that everyone was late. they were late quite long, except for cherie, who reached in time, or a few minutes late. the rest were late. i dont mind. i seriously don't. cause i woke up late too. latelatelate. then, thank god there was help. so i started printing first. since the cover page was in the process of printing, i touched up on the rest of the shouce and finished up my content page. then, talked to cherie and she was very nice to talk to. then, i had fun printing. thank god i had help, seriously thank god. finished quite early, at least way earlier than what i expected. thank god for help. then, thank god for the folding machine. then only need to slot in and staple. cherie, lingjie and me slotted in, while yijie stapled. then, the stupid idiot stapler, kept being stuck, then yijie had to spend alot of time on it. how nice of the stupid stapler. then, we finally finished and i went to take my history textbook. i'm very thankful to my 救命恩人! without my 救命恩人, i would have died. cause i wont have my history textbook to revise for my stupid common test i have the next stupid week. so thank thank thank you you you my 救命恩人!!! :D but my 救命恩人 had to spend alot of time travelling just to pass me my history book. yaye, i'm thankful thankful thankful! i'll be charged next time for help, so there wont be a next time! btw, i'm sorry to my 救命恩人 for getting off the wrong stop and had to take back.
i finally put a smiley face.

then went up for tuanqi. it was fun singing out real loud. felt like singing out loud. so i sang really loudly, the best of my ability, since my voice isn't that good. sigh, then went up to give out the shouce. ah yes, that was bad. giving out wasn't bad. it was me that was bad. there were so many errors and add-ons for the particulars and after hearing some people's comments, i really felt lousy. i'm sorry okay. i'm sorry to make such a fool of myself. i'm sorry to give out such a lousy shouce. i'm sorry to make everyone not happy. i'm sorry that some people didn't not have all the particulars put in. i'm sorry i left out one person's particulars. i'm sorry the marker that was used to write on the board, wasn't good. i'm sorry people had to copy down all the corrected things. i'm sorry for the things i done to make everything go wrong. i'm so sorry. i already tried my best. i'm not good in art, so what do you expect about the designs of bi ji. it was quite last minute, cause it wasn't me who was supposed to do it. i tried, and i feel lousy.
indeed i feel.

then it was groupwork. started out fine, at least "finer" than the later part. seriously, it wasn't good. i really feel bad and lousy. i cannot lead, i cannot do tell people what to do, i cannot bring enthu-ness to my group, i cannot be a good leader. i'm sorry. i try, but i can't. group preparation was totally not good. i could tell disappointment in people's eyes and 'you-are-hopeless' looks to me. i know i know, it was very confusing. potato chips on the ground. told them not to drop on the floor, tell them to eat properly. just wont listen to me. i guess i dont have the ability to make people listen. and i stupidly told them off and felt stupid. i'm sorry. i feel lousy once again. somemore, designs. told them already, just forgot. forgot forgot. how i wish i could forgot the whole world and start off new again. finally, only ran through once, the rehersal. hello, it wasnt' even a real good rehersal. just some short briefing of what people are going to do. volunteers? no one. not a single soul. i feel lousy once again.. then discussed about next week what time to come all those, all quiet. it was so confusing and i feel extremely stupid not to know anything and thank god for help of zhanglao and zhuli. or i would have died. seriously, i'm not doing a good job.
i suck at every single thing.

then after that was captain's ball. already not in good mood, somemore some stupid idiot came and say i'm full of p. like i dunno like that. not like i want. you said it for dunno how many times. that is one of the most sensitive things i hate to hear. i hate to hear, i hate to hear i hate to hear! and here you are, saying like nobody's business. fine, i'm pf then. so what. i know i'm ugly but you dont need to rub it in so many times and infront of so many people and making me feel angry and embarrassed and JUST WHEN I FEEL BAD AND LOUSY, you do not say that.
idiot.

went home and things were bad too. no internet connection. just the time of common test. i need internet. i need to check stuffs. i need msn too, i need contacts. i need to talk to people and i need to ask. what's wrong with it. what's the problem, giving me these kind of problem just when it's common test and JUST WHEN I FEEL BAD AND LOUSY. this isn't good is it? fine, finally i've got food, thankgod i've got a nice mummy. yes, thank god. thank god i have my history textbook too. so i did notes. and stupid, i didn't have internet and the stupid usb thing doesn't work, so i can't print out my notes. hello, damn thing. how nice of you to mess up my 'already-messed-up' life. i need to print, i need to revise and i need to use the bloody internet and printer. why are you making me so pissed and lousy.
'already-gone-wrong' life.

goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, everything is all piled up. i can't breathe anymore. it's only second year. how can i survive. it's only first term. how can i live on. this is terribly horribly sad. i need to talk to someone, someone who can make me smile.
i need you to talk to me.

end, no more tata. i feel lousy, so no tata for you. hmph.

felt so much better after typing out and talking with someone. really, i thank god for having nice people on earth. seriously you are very very nice to talk to and you are nice :D

then my eyes are sore today. i wonder whyyyyyyyyy. abit sore and zhong3. lol! today is fine so far. and i'm super happy, cause i get to use my mummy's com and there's internet. so i can print my notes using usb port. yaye. i realise i can get happy easily when nice people talk nicely to me. LOL :D (<-- see, a smiley!)

churched and it was fun. randy started lesson by telling us to write down problems that teenagers or youngsters face now. it's damn interesting and we all wrote alotalot. ahaha then we shared and randy wrote on the board. he's damn funny cause of the chinese words he wrote! hahah damn cute. lol then we realise that we could think of loads of problems. hahah PROBLEM FREAKS~ lol then it was super funny, about the da jie thing. sounds so sick but sounds like big sister. heh, depends on how you see it, cause it's both pronouced the same way. then today what randy said was very meaningful toooooo. said that we face problems, because we have to learn to cherish, treasure, be contented, go through up and downs in life, to be good :D it's just like diamnd or gold. hahaha real gold put in fire will glow. suddenly thought of this: as the saying goes, REAL GOLD NOT SCARED FIRE. :b

lol i shall finish my hist notes andand print out geog and history. then, do chinese homework then memorise my notes. i've loads to do. so i shall list them.

1. print geog notes
2. finish up hist notes, on tan tock seng etc.
3. print hist notes
4. do chinese worksheet
5. walk around and memorise notes
6. exercise, imma fat girl D:
7. bath and get ready to fetch daddy
8. study and revise geog AGAIN

booooohoohooooooooooo, so many things to do. actually not alot lah. hahaha talked to someone about being stressed and going nuts. then was told that i should do things one by one, and time management must be good. so, i'm off to do things :D

thanks for talking to me.

`tata <3

life should be happy. it's hard, but we have to give it a try ! `x3